No Stress Ever

Ahhhh…Monday
I really have been horrible about keeping up my blog as of late. I do apologize. There don’t seem to be enough hours in the day to complete all that needs to be done. I hope you are all doing well. Things for me have been stable of late, which I guess in the realm of anxiety, is a good thing.

I did get really sick last week though (no, I didn’t have the swine flu)…it was a bronchial infection. Started out like a cold and then really irritated my chest and lungs so I went to the doctor and he prescribed me antibiotics and an inhaler/puffer. It really helped and I’m almost feeling completely normal, except I’m still coughing a lot, but I guess that’s usually the last thing to leave when you have a cold.

Other than that illness, I saw my psychiatrist a couple weeks ago and we decided to stay on the same dose of medication as I’m currently on…at least until I’ve felt stable for a longer period of time so there’s less of a chance of relapsing. I’m cool with that. To be honest, I didn’t really feel comfortable with further tapering my medication at this time. I like where things are at right now, and I think I’m doing really well. My job has helped me immensely, as has my support system. I’m not 100% cured by any means, but I’m feeling so much better that I did last year at this time.

Lastly, we have these little tiny flies swarming our apartment balcony and sticking to the walls and ceiling of it. My husband did some research and thinks they’re called midges. Has anyone else ever dealt with these stupid insects. Apparently they don’t like Lavender or Basil plants so we’re going to try putting those outside and see what happens. So annoying!

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Busy, busy like a bee
Work has been going really well. As soon as March hit we really started picking up our appointment bookings and things really got busy. So busy in fact that both me and my colleague ended up being a tad bit burned out. We’re still not busy enough where we need to hire someone else to help, but sometimes it can be a lot of hours of having to be at the office for just two people. We were able to recuperate though and feeling more like ourselves. Fingers crossed that things just keep getting better! We’re still within our first year of operation though and so far I think we’re doing amazingly well. So forgive me if I’m not blogging too regularly. I promise I will when I can, but right now there’s a lot going on and I may not always be able to find the time.

I hope you are all well! Enjoy this beautiful Saturday.

xo

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Busy, busy like a bee
Work has been going really well. As soon as March hit we really started picking up our appointment bookings and things really got busy. So busy in fact that both me and my colleague ended up being a tad bit burned out. We’re still not busy enough where we need to hire someone else to help, but sometimes it can be a lot of hours of having to be at the office for just two people. We were able to recuperate though and feeling more like ourselves. Fingers crossed that things just keep getting better! We’re still within our first year of operation though and so far I think we’re doing amazingly well. So forgive me if I’m not blogging too regularly. I promise I will when I can, but right now there’s a lot going on and I may not always be able to find the time.

I hope you are all well! Enjoy this beautiful Saturday.

xo

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Feeling pretty good these days
I know I’ve been sporadically blogging, mostly because I’ve been concentrating all my efforts in getting our work blog off the ground, but I’m still here and will be posting as often as I have time to.

So I’ve been feeling pretty good the last while and saw my psychiatrist again yesterday. We talked about the fact that I have this phobia of throwing up (emetophobia), especially in front of people, and especially in public. I had been thinking about it and wondered if that was causing my anxiety rather than my anxiety causing me to feel nauseated which in turn causes this phobia. Does that make sense?

Anyways, he told me that it’s possible, but he also feels that certain things I’ve told him, whether related to emetophobia or not, are still attributes of someone who is socially anxious. Either way I don’t want to be medicated forever and he told me that he doesn’t think I will be, so I asked what he thought of lowering my dosage of Gabapentin, at least for the meantime to see how I would be with less. We started at 900mg/day so I’ve never been at a lower dose. I wanted to see how I’m able to cope without thinking my medication is a crutch, so to speak.

He had no problem with that, so as of yesterday I have been taking 600mg. I’ve been feeling quite a bit better on a daily basis so I figured maybe now was the time to start getting off my meds and learning to cope on my own. As my psychiatrist said, the meds have given me a jumping board and now hopefully I will be able to take a little control on my own. I’m looking forward to seeing how it goes. Please keep me in your prayers. xo
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What actually happened on V-Day
Thank you for your comments on my last post. I wanted to do a quick post to let you know what actually ended up being our Valentine’s Day low-key celebration. We had decided that what we wanted to do was order sushi in and stay home, watch TV and just relax. Instead, the sushi place we usually order from informs us that it’ll be an hour and a half wait to get our food so we decide to forgo ordering with them. I guess because of Valentine’s Day they were too busy! Anyways, it would have been fine had we known of any other places that we could order from, but pickings were slim. We were also worried that if we decided to go out to eat everywhere would be packed with premade reservations.

Anyhow, I called this local all-you-can-eat sushi place to let them know that we could be there in 10 minutes if they had a table available. At this point we were both starving and it was our last resort. They said there would be a table available for us (so I assumed they mustn’t be that busy). When we got there it was packed and we didn’t see any open tables. Just as I started to panic that we’d go hungry on Valentine’s Day a couple of ladies finished paying their bill and left. So we got a table! The food was pretty good and for $14.99 each I think we managed to get our money’s worth.

It was also the thing I dread most in this world - eating out - which ended up not being such an ordeal because when it was our only option I had no choice but to suck it up and face my fear!

Hope you all had a good one.
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Happy Valentine’s Day!
I wanted to wish everyone a Happy Valentine’s Day!

I don’t think my husband and I will be doing anything exciting today…probably just ordering food and maybe renting a movie. Our Valentine’s Days have been pretty low-key for the past seven years or so. We don’t see the point in making a big deal on February 14. We show each other how much we love each other 365 days of the year!

Have a good day with your loved one! xo
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Depression may be linked to migraines
I saw this interesting article on a Global TV website today about the connection between migraines and mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety. Check out the article. It’s really interesting. Upon reflection, before I was diagnosed with social anxiety in 2004 I had a migraine (my first ever) that lasted for two weeks straight. I’m amazed that this revelation has only come to light now.

35% of people who suffered migraines also suffered from a mental disorder,
ranging from depression and anxiety to phobias and substance abuse

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Update
I wanted to do a quick blog post so you know I’m still alive. I’ve been very tired and possibly fighting off a virus, but I’m doing okay. I’ve been working a lot and it’s been really exhausting to me. I guess going from no work to part-time to full-time in such a short period of time has taken a toll on me.

I saw my psychiatrist last week and we figured that taking an extra dose of medication per day wasn’t helping at all, so I’m back to my regular three per day and don’t feel any different. I’m staying positive and my friends are helping me to get back out there and back into the “normal” world by helping me and taking me out to eat, which is my biggest challenge with anxiety. I’m terrified of vomiting in public and I always get nauseous when I have anxiety so you can see how this can be a vicious circle. I’m always well equiped with my protective anti-nausea arsenal in my purse: a puke bag, ginger pills, mints, minty gum, pepto bismol, cocculine, and gravol (ginger-based non-drowsy one). Sometimes I even carry Tetley Ginger-Mint tea bags with me in case I get nauseous it usually helps me.

I know that there is a term for fear of throwing up called emetophobia, but I’m not sure if that’s what I have nor do I want to put a label on it. I’ve put so many labels on myself throughout my life I really want to stop doing that. Nausea is my biggest symptom when I get anxious or nervous so I always make sure to have and do everything humanly possible to control those feelings. The funny thing is…I’ve never actually thrown up in all of these situations where I feel so incredibly nauseous (unless I’ve been sick due an actual virus). I know that a lot of it’s in my head and now I’m trying to control my thoughts towards this as well as my anxiety in general.

The thought of ever being pregnant and dealing with morning sickness makes me queasy. I’m not sure how it’ll be, especially because you can’t take time off work for morning sickness. I’m not pregnant, but my husband and I do want kids in the next few years. I guess I’ll just have to see how it goes. The important thing is that I’m working on it…and me…little by little.
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Feeling a little blue
The past little while I have been feeling rather down and (dare I say it?) depressed. I stopped taking Celexa a while back (which had helped stabilize my mood at the time) and now I am only on Gabapentin. I’m wondering if our crazy Toronto weather this fall is a contributing factor to my gloominess.

I have also been taking some green tea pills for the past month or so to help with the weight I gained while trying all sorts of antidepressants. I gained about 40 pounds while I was taking Effexor (about a year ago) and I haven’t been able to lose any of the weight. So I bought some green tea pills from the Carrot Common’s Dispensary store with the hopes that it will help speed up my metabolism and give me more energy as it states on the bottle.

So far I still haven’t lost any weight or gained any more energy. Although I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping the past couple of weeks. Not sure if it’s because there’s alot on my mind or if it’s the extra caffeine in the green tea pills (I do take them in the morning and at lunch so the caffeine shouldn’t be effecting me at 11:00 p.m. when I try to sleep, right?).

Anyways, I feel like lately I have been experiencing a bit more anxiety than usual, and considering the fact that I was feeling so much better on the Gabapentin I’m a bit concerned because things were starting to really move forward to me and I really, really don’t want to take any more steps back. Things are going pretty well for me and I want to keep up that momentum. Any suggestions?

Anyways, I hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving this weekend! Take it easy and eat lots and lots of turkey!
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It’s been a rather crappy day for me
I just found out that my long-term disability will be terminated as of Dec. 31. What a nice Christmas present! The original plan was to look at working full time at my friend’s dental hygiene spa around now, but that got changed and the new plan (which was also encouraged by my psychiatrist and rehabilitation specialist) was to start working part time by January and then then full time around March or April. How things can change on a dime! I’m now being pushed forward by my disability insurance company to embark on working 40 hours per week within the next two months.

Part of me is psyched at the challenge, and part of me is scared to death! It’s also a fairly new office (they’ve only been open for two and a half months), and while business is steady, I didn’t want to have to add the burden of paying me full-time to the mix of things so soon. They said that it’s fine and that they’ll take care of me, but I know it will be a bit financially stressful for them.

I know in the end things will be okay, and I’m trying to stay positive. Please keep me and my family in your prayers. xo
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